Jan 29

This is the human male

by in Drawing & Writing

After that somewhat disastrous false-birthday morning celebration, a refreshing swim was in order.

Our bungalow’s at the south end of Sairee Beach, which is, semi-intentionally, somewhat removed from the backpacker area. This is where the families and the 30+ stay, and where they swim. It’s also, unofficially, the part where it’s OK for the occasional female tourist to go topless.

Now, whether you’re for or against or indifferent to topless sunbathing, this raises some questions in Thailand. Because I’m pretty sure Thai culture doesn’t incorporate or really support or maybe even understand this phenomenon, which makes the question less about whether it should happen in a general sense, and more about whether it should be done here, in Thailand, where the locals would never, ever do it.

It happens regardless. And that morning, the bar was raised.

As I waded out of the water, two tall, blonde, busty Swedish women, one with braided hair, waded in. As they went past I did a reasonably good job of being Catholic and, er, respectful of their toplessness. But I also genuinely enjoyed the view the other direction. On the beach, the males, behind their sunglasses, were suddenly sitting up.

This was all fun and games and kind of interesting. And then, from behind, came the sound of girly giggling.

The Swedish girls were frolicking in the water.

Oooookay. So these girls knew EXACTLY what they were doing. And it was effective.

Their frolicking exposed a biological flaw in the circuitry of the human male, and, like a Windows blue-screen, the men simply crashed. 50% of the beach… just… stopped… moving. Books were lowered, mouths were opened, and the secret sixth sense of the human male caused all to be drawn magnetically toward this one thing that was happening in the water at that one moment without any one person having announced that it was happening. Had their girlfriends/wives started punching them in the nose until they bled, they would have have felt no pain, for a circuit-breaker, when it is off, is off.

This was a very interesting thing to witness from the other direction, to the point that it felt wrong that the Discovery Channel wasn’t there. The series would have been called, “This is the Human Male.”

They weren’t there, though, so I can only guess at how much testosterone spiked through them in those moments, or how many of their pheromones instantly polluted the air.

Good work, Swedes.

Antje writing: This could also be called:The dumb hihihihi-I-am-so-dumb human woman


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4 Responses to “This is the human male”

  1. From Esther:

    hahaha, it is ridiculous, that we are surrounded by so much nudity but still the human males behave like cavemen, whenever they see a pair of real-life-boobies. what is this about? I will never get it.

    Posted on January 29, 2012 at 15:11 #
  2. From Jeff DeKoker:

    Haha! “Windows blue-screen”. I suppose men probably are about as reliable as PC’s when it comes to social decorum on a beach.

    Posted on January 29, 2012 at 16:47 #
  3. From Brooke/mom:

    Hilariously written, and I love the drawings.

    Posted on January 29, 2012 at 16:54 #
  4. From Roxy:

    Nice to know you guys have a built-in kill-switch, I guess?

    Posted on January 31, 2012 at 20:28 #